Last week, I shared how trust fuels growth and innovation when we release control. I ended with this thought: “The harder you try to hold it, the more it slips through your hands.”
This week is the conclusion to that idea. Because I’ve seen what happens when we hold on too tightly. The weight of control isn’t just heavy—it’s costly. It drains leaders, silences the creative genius of others, and leaves us carrying loads we were never meant to bear alone.
My Story: Steering Alone
Last year, I lived it. I tried to steer the ship myself with minimal assistance. On the outside, it looked like I was managing. But when the winds rose and the waves crashed, the “crew” looked at me as if to say, “You’ve got this.” The truth? I didn’t.
By refusing to release, I drained myself and unintentionally shut down opportunities for others to step into their gifts. It wasn’t until later that I could finally define what was really happening: I was carrying a load never meant for me alone.
Sometimes when you refuse to release, you end up frustrated—looking at others and wondering, “Why aren’t they helping me?” The truth is, your tight grip is often the very thing that strips their power to help. So they may sit back and stare while you’re drowning in the chaos.
It reminds me of something my Executive Pastor, Dr. Angel Byrd of Flourishing Families Ministry, once told me when I was struggling with a personal relationship: “Where there is control, there is chaos.”
When she said that, I let go immediately in that situation, because the weight of control was wearing me out. But on the job, it wasn’t as easy. That release didn’t come until I was transferred to a different position. And even then, I realized something important: in every new place, the common denominator is you. If you don’t change, nothing changes.
Now, I’m beginning to see something different—leaders blossoming in the absence of my control. By letting go, I’ve made room for others to rise.
It’s like a person who grabs a live wire. When electricity surges through the body, the muscles contract so violently that the hand locks onto the wire. The very thing killing you becomes the thing you can’t release. That’s what control feels like—you grip tighter even as it drains the life out of you.
After writing my book Surrender, the lesson became even clearer. Writing that book wasn’t just an act of teaching—it was an act of surrender itself. I cried when it was finished, because I realized the message wasn’t only for others—it was for me. The truth continues to guide me, and I’m still making adjustments today. Surrender isn’t one moment; it’s a journey.
The Cost of Holding Too Tightly
One of the greatest costs of control is isolation. Leaders who try to do it all often find themselves overextended, under-supported, and disconnected from the very people they’re supposed to empower. The creative genius of the team is lost, innovation slows, and morale weakens.
Research backs this up:
- Psychological Safety Drives Performance.
Harvard researcher Amy Edmondson found that teams perform best when people feel safe to speak up, take risks, and share ideas. Google’s Project Aristotle confirmed that psychological safety was the single most important factor in high-performing teams. - Shared Leadership Multiplies Impact.
A 2023 study of research teams found that when leadership is shared across different roles and levels, creativity and adaptability increase. Teams innovate faster when ownership isn’t concentrated in one person. - The Cost of Restriction.
In restrictive environments where leaders hold control tightly, people withhold ideas, hide mistakes, and disengage. Anxiety rises, innovation slows, and potential is wasted.
The evidence is clear: control feels safe, but in reality, it shrinks growth. Release feels risky, but it multiplies fruit.
Biblical Wisdom on Shared Leadership
God’s Word has always pointed to the danger of control and the beauty of release:
- Moses and Jethro (Exodus 18).
Moses tried to lead alone until Jethro advised him to appoint capable leaders over groups of people. Once he released others, the burden was lighter, the people were served better, and leadership multiplied. - Paul and His Disciples.
Paul equipped Timothy, Titus, and others to carry the mission forward. Instead of controlling everything, he released, trained, and trusted—building leaders who would serve generations to come.
Leadership was never meant to be a solo act. It’s always been God’s design to multiply through shared responsibility.
Modern-Day Examples
We see this same principle alive in today’s workplaces:
- Southwest Airlines.
Known for empowering frontline employees, Southwest allows gate agents and flight attendants to make people-first decisions without waiting for layers of approval. That culture of trust has built one of the most loyal customer bases in the airline industry. - Chick-fil-A.
Their leadership model focuses on equipping team members not just for the job, but for life. Many employees step into greater roles in their communities because they were trusted and empowered early on. - Faith-Driven Businesses.
Leaders like David Green of Hobby Lobby openly speak about empowering employees as stewards rather than treating them as replaceable parts. That mindset has built companies with lasting impact beyond profit.
When leaders release others, they don’t lose control—they multiply capacity.
What Happens When We Release
From Scripture, research, modern business, and my own journey, the pattern is undeniable:
- Initiative rises. People take ownership and solve problems faster.
- Morale lifts. Teams feel trusted and valued.
- Creativity flows. New ideas emerge when people feel free to contribute.
- Leaders multiply. Others grow into leadership instead of staying stuck as followers.
It may not always be neat. There will be missteps. But the long-term fruit of releasing outweighs the short-term challenges of control.
Closing Reflection
The weight of control is heavy, but the freedom of surrender and shared leadership is light. When we grip tightly, we drain ourselves and silence others. When we release, we step into God’s design for leadership—where space is created for others to rise, creativity flourishes, and the burden is shared.
Surrender is not a one-time act but an ongoing journey. Each time you choose to release control, you will discover the freedom and fruit that comes from leading God’s way.
Reflection Questions
- Where in your leadership do you still find yourself holding on too tightly?
- What fears make it difficult for you to release control to others?
- Who around you has untapped creativity or leadership potential that could flourish if given more ownership?
- How might your own walk of surrender shape the way you lead at work, at home, or in ministry?
Closing Prayer
Lord, thank You for showing us that leadership was never meant to be carried alone. Help me to release control and trust the gifts You’ve placed in others. Teach me to surrender not just once, but daily—so that my leadership reflects Your design of shared responsibility and flourishing community. Guide me to empower others, and in doing so, walk in the freedom You intended.